Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
try to milk me bitch
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