i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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