And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
