Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
