I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
