that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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