i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
