Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize