he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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