my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
