I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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