fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
