new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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