a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My vagina is very pro this idea
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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