Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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