Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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