I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
