Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
