he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
