You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
