who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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