Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
