Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
ttyl tear gas
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
