I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
