someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
