scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
