Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
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This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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