Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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