Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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