I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
