I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
