Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
