Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
