you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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