your parents love me but you hate me
I wish my penis had an off switch
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
