I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
