u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
