and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
