but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
