whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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