My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
