I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize