dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
