so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
