Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
bring money and cleavage
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
