I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
