worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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