Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize