i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
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There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
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Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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