I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
