i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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