its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize