i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
