ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
