oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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