then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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