You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
