I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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