I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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