I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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