It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Randomize
