Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
pray to the hookup gods
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
its liver damage thursday
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