My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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