I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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