It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
