Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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