I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
