Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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