For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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