I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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