yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
