I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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