Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
